It all started when she noticed me biting her head off after she’d wake me up.
Even though she tried to get me out of bed in the nicest, sweetest way - I’d hold a grudge until noon!
It had become a pattern.
So we decided to do shadow work to see if we could fix this.
The first session (documented here) brought me back to childhood, and I was able to connect the experience of having to get up, to having to get up and face the dread of daily highschool bullying.
That felt like a tremendous relief, and I already felt lighter.
The heaviness around getting out of bed had lifted.
Though as we kept talking, I realised this had only been the first layer.
There was something deeper there.
Being “woken up” felt like a profound symbol … for something.
So I started a round of circular breathing and felt into it.
Soon, I was in the center of a tornado of old feelings.
I stayed in the feeling by expressing it, even though it wasn’t clear what it was yet.
Then my brain started showing me little flashbacks.
A safe warm place.
Having to leave.
Fingers prodding me.
I started breathing sharply and heavily and hysterically crying.
Strange, high-pitched baby cries.
My girlfriend is holding the camera.
I hated those fingers prodding me.
I WAS NOT READY.
However, I am BORN.
(I asked my mother about the story of my birth: turns out I was induced, which explains the feeling of not being ready, and I was also breeched (ass-backwards), which a doctor discovered by prodding me)
Now I remember: all I wanted to do was GO BACK, just for a little while.
And that’s how I feel when my partner tries to get me out of bed.
Now, I’m over the hump.
I’ve felt the pain.
The flood of insights follows.
Why I never felt like I was fully participating in life.
Why I felt like my life was just “for practice”.
Why I always had this sense that my life decisions were not real, and one day I would go back and do them all over again..
If you’ve ever done sessions like these, you know the onrush of spontaneous insights and clarity.
This was 2 years ago.
Since we did this session, I’ve never had a cranky morning again.
I’ll say it again.
I’ve NEVER HAD A CRANKY MORNING AGAIN.
I’ve had slow mornings, sleepy mornings, snooze-ten-times-mornings.
But never angry ones anymore.
Not only that, but my knee-jerk reaction of “leave me alone, I’m not ready” which manifested in many situations, such as right before planned social activities, before bed, basically anytime I’m in the zone with something and interrupted, my angry reflex has gone, only to leave a mild residue of resistance that can be overcome with a simple sigh.
I hope you enjoyed this story and that it may inspire you to try a shadow work session for yourself.
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