Why Self-Sabotage Exists

Perhaps you've realised that self-help books which teach you a better mindset, don't always stick, or sometimes the backlashes are immense.

And it can seem like subconsciously, part of you wants to fail, or stay in that sabotaging state.

Reality is more positive than that.

This mechanism (self sabotage) is designed to create a feeling that is reminiscent of unprocessed childhood or infant pain.

Or, that's the effect of it.

This is how people get stuck in the same traps.

If you use them as a pointer, your subconscious will help you to permanently heal.

After which there is no need for the trap, no need for the self-sabotage, you are free to permanently anchor the life experience that you want.


When I joined a retreat in the past, I would behave in a way that got me quite isolated and feeling like I didn't belong. I thought it was because I didn't have as much social energy and I was tired, but what I realised later, is that the feeling of "not belonging" is a need that I lacked when I was a child. And so my subconscious steers me to recreate situations to remind me of that so I can do the work to heal it.

Another example: I used to start projects and not finish them. But I couldn't finish them, because I would expand the scope so much with lots of ideas that it became overwhelming and impossible to ever finish.

I realised much later, doing some deep shadow work, that "not finished" is a pain I was recreating, because I have felt "not finished" ever since I was born, because my mother was given drugs to induce labour, and so my natural process wasn't finished when I was forced out of the womb.

I've gone back to that pain in some shadow work sessions, using breathwork, primalling and parts work, and I'm much more easily able to quickly do projects and call them "finished" now. Although the work is not done there.

Another example is people who get into abusive relationships over and over. They can't seem to recognize or feel attracted to a healthy partner. Their toxic partners evoke the same feelings in them (of worthlessness, unsafety, or not being cared for for example) that they have experienced from their parents in childhood. They can use these present-day feelings to remember their childhood feelings, cry them out, and then their perspective changes and they are able to recognize healthy partners.

Published by Erik Jongbloed on Mar 28
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